Friends

I'm apologetic to all my friends because I haven't been meeting them for a pretty long time and I know some are pretty mad at me. There, the list of people whom I've disappointed : Bestie, Chee hooi, Kexin, Jun, Shyam, Nuggers. Oh well, Im quite occupied (believe it or not) with work and accompanying my bf. And there is also this fight with my Bestie about not being able to hang out because she's back from Australia and there's not much time for us to meet as she's flying back soon. But basically our timetable clashes: She's only free when her bf is not and vice versa for me and its unfortunate that my bf works at night and I want to accompany him while hers work in the day. So, we arent able to meet but Im ok with it cause I understand each have our responsibilities. But I guess she cant understand why I have to spend so much time with my bf......... Isnt she doing the same though? 

Oh well....... And there's this thing, I do not like her bf. Alot of things have happened and I have given him loads of chances to prove me wrong (I think he's nasty). But every time it only gets worse. And bestie only see the good side and close one eye to all other things. A leopard can never change its spots. Usually, I dont like this phrase, cause I believe in second chance. But when a person repeats what he does for multiple times even after given multiple chances, it just shows who he is. Bestie is probably blind to what evil he has done. Im only trying to help her, answering all the questions she's puzzled with; eg, why does people not like her bf, why does her friends leave her suddenly without a word. Well, I told her why and "why do I know?" u ask. because those of her friends who still care about her minutely confides in me and told me whats wrong. But she refused to accept the fact that people leave her because of him. And thats it, all those time I helped her when he abandoned her, I'm giving up. Why should I compromise whenever we are meeting up? Like I have to fit her schedule cause the jerk doesnt want her to go? 

I've already accepted the fact that you are tgt with him, but I do not want to compromise on my happiness to make him happy. and I do not want to be stood up again when he suddenly decides that he wants you to stay. Am I being ridiculous? Even if we do meet, you would be upset because either he wants to meet you earlier, or he wants you to meet him right away, or simply because he is upset with anything else.

So the only solution is for me to stay out of the way and not meet at all. I'd rather its this way then to meet and be in a ridiculously emo state. so dont complain about not meeting cause I dont expect you to be free and choose me over him and u shouldnt expect me to choose to meet you over my bf.

and of course, one of her friends talked to me and tried to solve this shit. She confronted me about the ultimatum I gave my bestie: its either her bf or I. This is merely a statement because of all her actions, she has already chosen him over me, Im just merely presenting this fact to her and show her what it is. and i am right, she did choose him didnt she? Maybe he's different infront of her, but all of you (including my bestie) do not know what has happened all these time to make me hate this lying bastard. And I dont care anymore cause whatever I say, my bestie choose to not listen and not believe so fine. But dont let him affect me. I dont want to see him, I dont want to hear about him. And because bestie cant do that, (it happened a lot of times when we met that she is upset or smt because he is upsest) I can no longer meet her.

and I am done with people asking me to compromise just because I probably will (eg, bestie asking me to apologise to her bf just to appease him, so he wont be angry with me or her and be in a good mood) WTF. Ask him then, I am angry too.... Why ask me, not him. and bestie actually said "because its useless, he wont budge". so im supposed to? "no harm asking" u said. Well, the harm is done. i am no longer be compromising my own happiness for someone else's, much less a person i hate. 

*FYI, he sis not go club with me, he went with another girl. believe it or not. Im not saying he had an affair with her or what shit. But its a lie he said her went there for me, because HE DIDNT. and there must be a reason he lied, maybe just so he can save the trouble to explain he went there with the girl but she's just a friend. but IDC, he lied and you choose to believe him so I guess how its gonna be from now on. No point convincing you anymore, its draining me mentally, and emotionally.

kns. i just want a loving place whr we can agree on issues and no naggings and no shoutings and no FUCKING noise. ARH!

and to think im already moody(?) in the morn today. i have no idea why im so moody. actually i might have an idea. its just irritating. its my own fault anyway. i just have to blame myself for doing this to myself.